Remember my phone number: two longs and a short

I’m thinking about getting a cell phone.

Everyone seems to be fiddling with one of those hand-held gadgets while driving, shopping and visiting with friends. It’s a wonder anyone has time for anything else these days. Doesn’t work well, however, while you’re getting your teeth cleaned.

I solved those kinds of problems years ago by installing a phone on a wall in my house.

I found it a well-established means of communication, easy to locate and inexpensive. You only have to replace the batteries in a wall phone every year or so. Depends on how many unsolicited calls you get about why your car that has traveled 532,468 miles needs an extended warranty.

My telephone number: two longs and a short. You turn the handle on the right side of the box a long time for a “long” and a short time for a “short.” You lift the receiver on the left side of the box and speak into the phone’s mouthpiece. Works well as long as you’re five to seven feet tall. Otherwise, you must stand on a box or get down on your knees.

I have a good reason for not acquiring a cell phone: Most of my friends seem to drop off at my age. So, why would a 92-year-old need a phone in the next world, which is fast approaching?

My newest great-grandson, who just turned a month old, probably has a cell phone. I see kids fussing with those hand-held gadgets all of the time, sometimes during recess in school.

“Games, Grandad,” they shout. That includes my grandkids who are smarter than the average bear. I should mail them a writing assignment so they would learn where to place commas in the stories they write in shorthand on those flat gadgets.

Apps are the culprits, I am certain. The salesperson who talked to me about a cell phone said I could add all sorts of apps, including one to tell me where to buy my favorite Pepsi drink and to guide me to an unfamiliar destination.

My friend has a cell phone that guides her everywhere. She just turns on the phone, punches a button and states her destination. The app instructs her to turn this way and that way and tells her how much farther she must travel. Works every time if your hearing aid functions properly.

My friend’s cell phone also is equipped with a camera that takes better quality pictures than I can with a bag filled with cameras and lenses. And you can edit the images you take and send them to friends in a twinkle of the eye. (And to think I once had to develop rolls of film, dry the film, make prints on an enlarger, dry the prints, put them in an envelope, stick a stamp . . .)

Cell phones come in all sizes, colors and prices. The model that really caught my eye topped $1,000, which I am considering buying as soon as I receive my next couple of Social Security checks.

Meanwhile, I may turn for help to my trusty wall phone.

Remember. If you want to get in touch with me:

My number is two longs and a short.

Longtime Oregon journalist Dean Rea, widely known for his years as a University of Oregon journalism educator and editor at The Register-Guard in Eugene,  serves as a founding board member, correspondent and columnist for The Herald.