Featured Sidebar, Uncategorized

So, this Norwegian drummer walks into a bar…….

Share this article

By BEN OLSON/for The Herald  —  I wasn’t very old when I discovered my father had a pretty keen sense of humor. He loved hearing a good joke and, even more so, loved retelling the joke to an audience who hadn’t heard it yet. Back in the day, ethnic jokes would make the rounds. Some were mean, some were just not very funny and some were quite clever. Dad would take the clever Polish joke he had heard at the gas station, make a few alterations, and trot it out to his bunch of coffee drinking buddies as a Norwegian joke. Dad, with a 100% Norwegian last name and 15% Norwegian blood felt he had license to kid around about his own people and heritage.

 

Ben Olson, musician and Oakridge Resident, with his standup bass Ben Olson photo

Folks today, though, seem quite sensitive about things like that. If I were to tell a Norwegian joke in this column, it is possible, even probable, that some Norwegian with no sense of humor down in the valley would start a movement to cancel me, and I would lose this prestigious job. 7 ½% Norwegianness and a dollar will buy you a bottle of water in today’s world.

 

Ole and Lena (they are NOT Norwegian, by the way) are sitting quietly in the living room after dinner, she’s knitting, he’s reading the paper. Suddenly, she puts her knitting down, gets up and walks over to Ole and socks him on the arm. He says, “What was that for?” Lena says, “40 years of bad sex!” She sits back down. It’s quiet. After a couple of minutes, Ole gets up, walks over to Lena and swats her on the arm with his newspaper. She says, “What was that for?” Ole says, “Knowing the difference!”

 

 I, as a musician, feel that it’s OK to tell musician jokes. Specifically drummer jokes. (I will admit that some of these were bass player jokes when I heard them) The lion’s share of these jokes came from drummers themselves. When I hear some of these, the pictures of specific drummers I’ve known come to mind immediately.

How can you improve the fuel efficiency of a drummer’s car? By taking the Pizza Barn sign off the roof.

What do you call a drummer in a 3 piece suit?  The defendant

What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend?  Homeless

How can you tell if the stage is level at a concert? The same amount of drool is coming out of each side of the drummer’s mouth.

How do you know a drummer is at your door? The knocking speeds up

How do you get a drummer off your porch?  Pay him for the pizza

There are more, and, believe it or not, some are truly tasteless. I will leave you with one that you may not appreciate unless you’ve been a working musician.

A drummer was on his way to a gig. Staring at his phone, he steps off the curb and gets hit by the crosstown bus. When he wakes up, he is alone in an elevator that’s going down, down, down. It occurs to him that if he is dead, this fate probably shouldn’t be a surprise to him, considering the life he has led. The elevator finally reaches the bottom. The door opens and a roadie with credentials grabs him by the arm and says, “Follow me. You’re on in 5 minutes.” They end up at the side of the main stage, where the roadie gives him a bottle of beer and a shot of Jack Daniels. The drummer could see 2 sets of drums, with his idol John Bonham sitting at one, there were Jimi and Stevie Ray on guitars and a cavalcade of other great musicians. The drummer said, “ At first, I thought I had gone to Hell, but now I think I’m in Heaven.” The roadie says, “No, this is Hell.” The drummer says, “What could be the problem?” The roadie says, “Well, the Devil has this girlfriend, and she thinks she can sing…”

Comments are closed.

Lane County Libraries The Power of Partnership throughout Lane County Oregon

graphic: Classifieds

GARAGE SALE: Tell folks about your upcoming garage sale here.

LANDSCAPING SERVICES:  It’s that time of year.  Let everyone know what services you have to offer.

JOB OPENINGS: Need to let the community know that you need help. Post your job openings here.

 

OFFICE SERVICES AVAILABLE:  Copying, Scanning, Emailing & Faxing Services are now available at The Herald’s office in Oakridge.
CLICK HERE for details.

graphic: Classified Ad Posting is Now Available - For Sale • Help Wanted • Landscaping • Rentals • Homes for sale • Repairs • Remodeling • and More! - Post your classified ad with us today.

Public and Legal Notices Lane County Highway 58 Oregon

Oakridge City Council PUBLIC NOTICE – Public Hearings on Proposed City Charter Revisions

PUBLIC NOTICE
Storage Auction
Boxworth Enterprises, LLC
48116 Highway 58
Oakridge, OR 97463
AUCTION AT
Security 58 Storage
48543 Highway 58
Oakridge, OR 97463
July 11th, at 11:00 am
Kristi Ledbetter
Unit6-4
$100 cash refundable deposit required Highway 58 Herald 06/20/24 & 06/27/2024

PUBLIC NOTICE
Storage Auction
Boxworth Enterprises, LLC
48116 Highway 58
Oakridge, OR 97463
AUCTION AT
Security 58 Storage
48543 Highway 58
Oakridge, OR 97463
July 11th, at 11:00 am
Ike Smith
Units 1-5 & 4-7
$100 cash refundable deposit required Highway 58 Herald 06/20/24 & 06/27/2024

NOTICE OF ELECTION OF MAYOR AND CITY COUNCIL MEMBERS CITY OF WESTFIR

 

Public and Legal Notices Lane County Highway 58 Oregon

Follow H58H on Social Media

The calendar is temporarily disabled due to a rendering error. Please reload the page.