Sorry, I didn’t catch that…

By BEN OLSON/for The Herald  —  It’s no secret that I don’t hear too well. When I’m in a noisy environment, all I hear is noise. Rooms with an echo, of sorts, or a humming AC unit can make it difficult to hear what someone else is saying, though they’re right in front of me. High frequencies can be illusive. More than once my wife has asked me why I don’t turn off that alarm. What alarm? I’m sorry, it’s not in my range. Watching a show without subtitles would be a waste of my time.

The irony is that I’m a musician, and hearing is an integral part of my craft. It’s true that I’m not standing in front of a stack of Marshall speakers playing heavy metal, not that I ever did that. In my recent stint as the bass player for Stoner, I knew that I couldn’t play music with an amplified drummer any more. In an acoustic setting, I can hear what’s going on, on the stage. What I have trouble hearing is someone in the crowd proffering a request.

How did it get like this? Possibly genetics. My dad had a way of tuning out all distractions as he watched TV, so focused on Perry Mason that he couldn’t be brought out of the trance with a question or comment at normal volume. No, it was a combination of shooting guns, power tools, 2 cycle engines, and, later, rock and roll. Most of the damage had effectively been done by the time I was in my early 20’s. I enjoyed seeing the best bands of my era in arenas,  and some of the more mediocre local bands in dive bars. It was always too loud, but that was part of the fun. The band Deep Purple is said to have been the loudest rock band ever. I saw them, and it was certainly a ringing in your ears for two days loud.

You might ask, why don’t I get some hearing aids? I got ‘em. Had ‘em for years. Your follow-up question would undoubtedly be, why don’t you wear them? That’s a great question. When I first got them, I was playing music 5 or 6 nights a week, and making the transition from hearing one way to hearing another was just too much for me. It made everything louder, including all the things that I didn’t want to hear. I was told that it would take up to 6 months for my ears and my brain to fully adjust to hearing with my devices. It was easy to make excuses to put off making the transition.

The day has arrived, though, when I must find the box with the hearing aids, put in some new batteries and see what everyone is talking about. I’m going to give it however much time it takes to learn how to hear again, and when I do catch your every word, I hope that you’ll have nothing but profound, witty or informative words to offer up.